Sudden epiphany
by lepa-pepa
Summary: Grissom's life is going to change and he doesn't like it.... NO SPOILERS; GSR


I don't own CSI :(

No spoilers. This is an AU.... Hope you like it :))

**Sudden epiphany**

Since the day she announced the big news he wasn't quite the same. Truth to be told to be told big Gil Grissom wasn't really sure how to react, to be happy or desperate. The main problem was that he created his little world in his head for him and him only. Everything there was subjected to him and his needs. And he was a happy man, sometimes lonely but happy. Nine years ago he did something strange and highly unexpected; he let a woman enter his little world. It was the hardest decision in his life; after all it took him another 7 years to let the women know she's accepted.7 years has he been measuring pro et contra, benefits and flows of letting someone near.

He was a loner for most of his life, at first because he was considered a "strange kid", who normal would be interested in ants, maggots and all other sleazy creatures. So as a little boy Gil started to create his little world, determined never to let anyone in and protecting himself from being hurt ever again. Even now in his mind it was being considered a good decision, probably the best one in his entire life, giving him space to focus on his biggest love, his job. He always knew he's going to be an etymologist and he was the best in his field.

Nine years ago he held a Seminar in San Francisco; it was the day that changed him forever. He saw her sitting in front row, with a ponytail and lots of questions. He couldn't stop staring at hear, so when he finished his lectures he invited Sara to dinner. Soon after their meeting Gil had to fly back to Las Vegas. He thought about her very often, sometimes he would receive an e-mail from her but he never crossed the line of professional friendship.

Two years after their first encounter he invited her to Vegas offering her a job. He knew he was asking for a lot, but she didn't seem to mind. He was impressed how she changed her whole life in a heart bit just for him. For the next five years he couldn't make a decision whether to be with her or not. He was constantly weighing his options. He knew he loved her, but is love enough? He wasn't sure. One day he even put his scale out and put a coin on each side depending if an argument was for or against him pursuing a relationship with her. Gil knew he wasted time, but in his mind it was necessary to protect himself from being hurt.

The day Gil openly let Sara in, was a special day for him. It was maybe the first spontaneous thing he did in his whole life; maybe he was influenced by the whole Nick being held hostage situation that messed his judgment, but he was in need for some comfort and so was Sara, so they comforted each other. Next two years were the best in his whole life, their relationship was held a secret, because of work, but they had a time of their life.

In their love-making they would always use protection because early on they talked about kids and decided they aren't really an option. That's why after her announcement he felt betrayed; they had a pact and Sara had the nerve to come and say: "Gil we are going to have a baby." Moreover she seemed very happy, while he looked mortified, a baby, a child, a new human being. There was no room for here/him in his perfectly organized world. He hardly squeezed Sara there, but a kid? How could a baby fit in his life? His expression must have showed this thoughts because when he returned to reality Sara was gone. He wasn't really aware of the seriousness of the situation until he returned from work one day and found an empty house. She took all her stuff leaving him only with a note:

"I'm giving you time and space to think about what do you want.

I already decided I want the little one, so I guess what I'm saying is I'm keeping the baby.

I won't force you to do anything you don't want to do.

Love,

Sara"

Although Sara did love Grissom, she left him. She chose the baby over him. It hurt but at the same time Gil understood her decision.

At work happened the strangest thing, Sara treated him normally like before, no one could guess something happened between them. Gil tried the same, sometimes he would even pair here with him and then also everything seemed normal. The truce lasted until Sara started to show, when an interesting gossip was spread around the lab. They said the baby had no father because it was a one night stand. Sara acted as what others think has no influence on her because she knew the truth, and partly because although she and Grissom were no longer together, she would always have a little part of him. She respected Gil and his wishes, knowing she can't change him it would only hurt her and her little one.

The situation stayed unchanged for another few months until Grissom worked on a particularly hard case. It was a young boy named Michael, round 18 years old who, as the investigation showed, took his own life on a construction side of yet another casino. The problem wasn't the death of a boy, God knows Griss has seen his share of dead teens, but his motive. Michael had lots of problems, social and health, but he took his own life because his real mother, he was a foster child, denied to meet him. His biological mother got pregnant by a man who left her as soon as he found out about the baby. She was 18 at the time and didn't really know what to do, so she gave him for adoption and tried to forget about him. Michael contacted her and wanted to speak to her, to get to know her but she refused to see him and asked never to be contacted again. He couldn't live with that knowledge, so two days later he committed suicide.

This story made Grissom think about the future of his unborn child. He didn't want to be like Michael's mother, especially because he had no real reason not to accept this new baby into his life. Sure his life would have to be turned upside down but no real damage would be done. He realized he doesn't have to be a perfect father, but he has to do his best to be there for his kid. It was strange how quickly he accepted this new turn his life took. He was sure he knew what to do and he wanted Sara to know that to, but he wasn't sure how to explain to her this sudden change of heart. Since their shift was long over he went to visit her at her apartment and apologize.

Once Sara let him in, he sat down and explained his new standing. Her answer surprised him: "This all is very nice, but I need to know the whole story. Why did you act the way you did and where is this sudden change of heart coming from?"

Griss didn't know where to begin but he assumed the beginning would do. "Ever since I was little I never managed to fit anywhere. I was always the strange kid no one wanted to play with. So to find a place for me I created my little world. It was prefect, I was the biggest star there, I ruled. During the years I never let any person invade my little perfect world. Of course I dated but never did I let any of my girlfriends really close. My world had to be left untouched. I managed to protect it until the day I met you."

"So you are saying that you actually let me inside?" Sara was surprised. She always thought there is something special bond between them, but didn't know she means so much to him. That moment was the first in their entire relationship she felt loved and respected. It was so sad he never shared his thoughts before, of course she never expected him to say anything. She loved him and tried to make it be enough. Now she knew she was important to him, very important.

"I never meant to do it," he confessed "but it felt so natural and you just fit there. So, I thought you and me forever, that's the way it's going to be. Just you and me, no one else. So when you told me about the baby I felt it doesn't belong here. I know it's a human being and that I'm also responsible for his creation, but my biggest problem was that it wasn't planed. You know I never do anything spontaneous, and this came just out of the blue. You announced we're having a baby and that was it. I couldn't and wouldn't accept my life is going to change. So I thought ignoring you and the baby will make it all go away and we will have our old live back. I'm really sorry for the way I treated you. I never should have been so stupid."

He looked at her and surprisingly she wasn't mad or disappointed. The truth was just the opposite, she felt honored to have the privilege to hear big Gil Grissom opens up to her. She didn't know if this will happen ever again but she was the one he was willing to confine in and it was big.

"I was sure my decision was the right one" he continued"and the only possible until this one case. We found a teenager who hanged himself. Michael, that was his name, had lots of problems but what really scared me was his motive for suicide. He wanted to meet his biological mother who refused to see him. I don't want to ruin our little angel's life because of my insecurities. I want him to know me and be part of his life. " He finished.

"I don't know what to say." Sara answered and continued "I only hope you really mean it and you are sure in your decision because it's for the rest of your life. I don't want you regret it, but if you are willing to try than so am I. Now let's go eat something, I'm starving." She pushed him out.

That day was the beginning of a new life for the two. They started to rebuild their relationship gradually, so everything would be perfect for the little one. When the baby was born they already lived together in Grissom's townhouse. After all mess she created little Mia had a great life with both of her parents. She wasn't the smartest kid in the street but was the happiest. Her parents never married, after all it was just a piece of paper they don't really need.


End file.
